When someone does something cruel or unkind, we call them as stone-hearted. We all have the feeling that the heart has a separate capability to think, which isn’t true in reality. But we still go along with it and connect the emotional quotient of our decision making to the heart and the intellect part to the brain.

My conception is that we idolize the soul within us to the heart. Hence, I try to have a conversation with my soul and portray it with colours in this abstract painting. This painting is very close to my heart as it’s an amalgamation of my feelings. Let’s take a look at a small poem penned down in Tamil to unveil the interaction and the emotions depicted in the painting.

The heart doesn’t skip a beat. It’s so fickle-minded that it keeps on oscillating. Hence, the adjective Nilla is used, which translates to ceaseless in English. This poem follows a theme of self-interrogation to understand me better.

I feel understanding oneself is as hard as a guy struggling to understand a girl completely. He may think yes, he knows them, but then comes a bouncer that stuns him. Hence, I post a series of questions to the soul.

Are you a girl who is tough to interpret?
Are you a dummy(idol) not willing to learn from the mistakes?
Are you a puppet eager to learn?
Or a dumb who want to learn but can’t?

Next, I ask questions to understand the root cause of the incidents. I believe the trustable circles (friends, relations or family) are far more worthy than money. The quality matters more than size here. I feel that’s something one should be proud of possessing. And when we are in love (be it with a girl, nature, any person or hobby), we start to see only the beautiful things around us. So, I ask myself …

Do you have such bankable people in your life?
Is that why you are so proud of yourself…
Did you get lost in love?
Suddenly the world looks beautiful in your eyes…

Sometimes in life, we tend to lose things owing to some boundaries we set for ourselves. Sometimes the boundaries are set by us within our comfort zone, so we don’t make efforts to expand its extent. Whereas, mostly the society in the name of helping us takes the liberty to set the boundaries imposing its ideology. Like the border wars in the world, these imaginary lines within us turns into a cold war. Such resistance finally results in a deeply wounded silence that lies dormant within us for life. It’s been depicted in the painting with half the side of the heart in fire and the other half resisting it. The eyes of the latter half shedding tears in the quarrel and struggling to hold its ground (hence its eyes turning devilish).

Did you draw the holy borders for yourself?
So the tears cross the eye lines…
Are the strokes of silence only left?
Pushing me into a lonely sleep…

Anger is an integral part of a human that is synonymous with fire. When under control, it does magic or else is a self-destruct switch. There are instances where my anger had better of me and destroyed good relationships and moments. A learning process that everyone goes through in their life. Also, keeping that fire very much alive and afloat is vital, as it never makes us settle and pushes us to achieve more. I generally like the black heart among the other colours we associate it with. I relate it to the black hole which engulfs everything. I feel that one’s heart should be one such black hole where there is no limit to absorbing love. Also, every one of us has a constant search to find the right person to fill in the vacuum within. Hence there is a saying goes like the right person will pick you in pieces and makes you whole. This vacuum is so tricky to handle as it might even engulf us and put us in a state of never return. The black background of the painting depicts the vacuum surrounding us, which in right hands, keep us stable else we succumb to the dark for eternity.

Did you control the fire?
You seem to be shattered into ash…
Did you swallow the vacuum?
Attracting me as hard as a black hole…

A human soul should be shared equally by the angel and the devil. The co-existence of both keeps us in a good balance in any situation. But the reality is that both don’t co-exist happily together. It’s a constant battle between them to come out on top. The fiery part with a horn in the painting denotes the devil, and the equal sharing space with the soft-toned angel side. Next is the ever-controversial being in the universe, “God”. I am not someone who says that God doesn’t exist. But I feel somehow we forgot to recognise the one within ourselves first. Before we look for peace from the idols at the temple, we should worship the humanity in each of us. That creates harmony and peace. Once we finish our internal search, we can set ourselves up for the external course.

Did you carry the bad in equal terms?
You lost the battle with the fall of the dharma…
Did you finish your search within yourself?
You found the God in the stone…

Finding peace with ourselves is the ultimate goal. And the word “vellai pookal” (white flowers) resonates with inner peace. When we learn to understand and forgive our imperfections and thrive to improve it, the world does look so beautiful. And finally, I complement the soul for always trying to confront me with the opposite views and helping me make the right decision. Indirectly the soul wins even if it fails in its argument.

Did you make a garland out of the white flowers (making peace with yourself)?
Roaming like a free(d) soul…
Stood always against me…
To win yourself…

I convey my hearty thanks to my friend for helping me out in editing the poem.

Paintings

Poem

Revan Kumar